It’s Okay, I Can Eat This

So often, I focus on what isn’t working.  The scale not budging specifically, my pants still a little snug, my binges, struggling with alcohol and on and on. There has been a lot that is working. I have had a terrible relationship with sweets, feeling so terribly bad whenever I eat them.  When I came home from my first weigh in at the group training competition, reaching my all time low, I told my boyfriend, “no more sweets! I can’t do it anymore, it’s ruining me.”  Well that night, he wanted to get ice cream and I said “Why!? We can’t get that! We can’t have that in the house!” He said, “It’s okay to have dessert! I’m not like you, I allow myself to have it every night and I tell myself that it’s okay.”  He was right, maybe we should just have dessert every night and I should tell myself that it is okay.  So, that is what we have been doing for the past 5 weeks and I haven’t felt the need to over indulge (minus my emotional binges). I now have ice cream, cookies, brownies, or chocolate every night.  As I am eating it I tell myself it’s okay to have dessert, I have dessert every night.  I didn’t think it would work, but now I don’t even crave sweets and if I do, I tell myself to go ahead and have whatever it is I’m craving.

I went to a nutrition seminar at my gym and the trainer presenting had mentioned the “Twinkie Diet.”  Apparently, a nutrition professor limited himself to Twinkies and other types of sugary foods but kept his calories under 1,800 for 10 weeks.  He lost weight and had healthy vitals, low blood pressure and glucose.  Now, I’m not encouraging this in anyway, but the trainer said in hindsight it really doesn’t matter what you eat as long as you keep it balanced and are cutting calories everyday.  I actually felt a sigh of relief, because my usual habit was that if I didn’t eat healthy I constantly beat myself up.  There is always new diets, “don’t eat this, eat that” or “drink this and lose 20 pounds” swirling around every turn.  I began to give myself some grace.  It’s funny, I’ve read about allowing yourself the cravings and indulgences in magazines, read about famous actresses saying “When I want a burger and fries, I have a burger and fries.” However, it was never explained how to do it, how do they allow themselves what they are craving without bingeing or overdoing it?  After I tried it with having dessert every night I realized it’s the thought pattern that needs to shift.  Allowing myself sweets is risky business for a binger, but I just keep one foot in front of the other and tell myself this is okay and I can have it every night.  I actually do not feel guilty anymore when I eat ice cream, or anything of the like.  I even had a Twinkie the other night, just because I could. I don’t freak out like I used to.  Usually, my thoughts would be, this is so bad. I can’t have this. No more after this. This is unhealthy. Just having that resistance makes it so much worse. I also realized that when I have resistant and negative type thoughts, I create stress within myself, then I wanted to stuff the stress with more of whatever I was eating.  I have to remember and remind myself when eating, “It’s okay, I can eat this.”

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