Every. Single. Day. I am stressed about how I look in the mirror, what I am eating, what I shouldn’t have been eating, how much weight I have gained in the past year, how much weight I have gained over the past 5 years, how uncomfortable I am in my clothes. I feel more calm when I am eating and I don’t crave alcohol as much as I used to (this is still a struggle for me though). I stop eating when I am full and now I am focusing on balancing my meals by incorporating healthy fats, fiber, and protein. I finally began to track and notice my patterns and thinking. I noticed that when I have a “binge” it’s because I am worn out, my thoughts are usually I don’t care. I don’t want to try anymore. I give up. Why bother. Kind of that defeating mentality. That is when I begin craving alcohol and just want to have fun!
I have found that exerting all my energy through bootcamp is highly beneficial to battling these situations, but I also found that meditation has significantly improved my process. I never really liked mediation in the past, because “I wasn’t good at it.” I felt my mind was too busy to really become a meditator. I learned about different variations of meditations about six years ago, when I attended a women’s retreat through a company called Wings. We meditated in different ways, one way that really stuck with me was a movement type of mediation called Kundalini. When I began this path, I pulled out of my dark depression I had mentioned where suicidal thoughts frequented my mind. However, I never really created a habit of it.
This past year, I discovered a book and meditation called Chakra Clearing by Doreen Virtue. She writes about the different chakras and what each one means, and how they can impact your life when they are out of balance. Once I started doing this meditation, I began to “Awaken” so to speak. I started recognizing the patterns in my life and noticing the impact of different situations. That is when I realized my unhealthy behaviors and had my “light bulb” moments. It took much more than meditation to shift my patterns, but when I am meditating one – two times per week, I feel much calmer and in control of myself.
However, this wasn’t the cure all be all to fully shift my eating and thought patterns. Although I am currently more in tune, I am still the same weight as I was when I started this process of self-healing and my bootcamp 6-months ago. I realized that losing weight is all about the mind and the deep rooted emotions that are connected to our thought patterns. I used to hate counting calories or tracking my food in anyway, I found it to be restricting. But something shifted with me this past week, especially when I noticed that the scale was not budging. I decided, without feeling I had to, to track my calories. I quickly realized that although I wasn’t eating that much food, the calories were adding up.
I had mentioned the author above, Doreen Virtue. I also read another book by her Constant Craving that focused on the deep emotions attached to the foods we crave. She really highlighted the concept of positive affirmations. That is when I began to become more aware of my negative thinking. When I would have a binge, instead of beating myself up I would focus on why I went that route, and gave myself some grace. I am way too hard on myself!! These positive thoughts became stronger because I also worked through my emotions surrounding them in therapy with my counselor.
This is still a work in progress for me, but what I have fully discovered is that losing weight is all about the mind and uncovering the emotions around the foods I eat. There isn’t a one size fits all diet, for me “It Takes a Village!” I need to incorporate meditation, find the right workout, go in extremely small steps, and shift my thinking. Right now, my main focus is to strengthen my “Mind Muscle” and to remind myself, I’m so incredibly loved and that I am a beautiful creation. This place I am in is only temporary, I am in the process of losing weight, and I am learning to love myself. This journey will take time and in the process I need to continuously give myself grace.